What is coaching?
There are probably as many definitions of coaching as there are coaches. I like this one from The Complete Handbook of Coaching.
"A human development process that involves structured, focused interaction and the use of appropriate strategies, tools and techniques to promote desirable and sustainable change for the benefit of the client..." Bachkirova et al (p. xxix, 2018)
People come to coaching for a wide variety of reasons. Coaching provides a space to identify or clarify what's important to you and to explore life, decisions and limiting beliefs with curiosity and compassion, working towards ensuring that decisions you make about how to progress sit comfortably within a framework of your identified values.
What do you bring to coaching?
Curiosity and a desire to explore, learn, understand, and discover self-compassion and a way of life which serves you well.
Remember, you are the driver of what is discussed in sessions. You may come to coaching with a clear idea of what you want to discuss, or with little idea of what you want to focus on. Not to worry, I have tools and techniques we can use to get a clearer idea of what's important to you and topics to discuss.
As the coach, what do I bring to coaching?
I bring compassionate curiosity. I’m here to listen, to observe, to reflect and to question in service of discovering ways for you to thrive and be more comfortable with who you are and how you interact with the world. We’ll identify what’s important to you, how you’d like to be and what you’d like to achieve.
NP
“[Stella has] a really wonderful way of affirming me as a human being that feels very genuine. It can be incredibly helpful to just be told "Wow, that sounds really difficult to deal with" or "I can see that you care a lot about that".”
KH
“I don’t know where I’d be without Stella. Instead of being incapacitated by self-doubt and indecision, I’m growing a business around the craft that I love. She’s given me the space to reflect, the tools to move forward and the confidence to believe I can do it.”
Dr G W
"Stella's approach is refreshingly bespoke, focusing on building a blueprint for unlocking my fullest potential. She has also encouraged me to contemplate life holistically—asking what I truly want to achieve and what holds genuine importance to me."
What is ADHD coaching?
ADHD coaching is an interaction with a coach in a safe space – a space to open up possibilities and explore the vulnerabilities and limiting beliefs that you may have developed from a life with an unconventional brain and nervous system. It’s an opportunity for you to tame and focus without limiting your beautiful, disparate, passionate, creative self.
What's involved?
Together, we will work through your life experiences that have been affected by your ADHD, and we’ll find ways for you to make the most of who you are, live more comfortably and perhaps most importantly without shame. Carrying shame about being “other” or “different” is very common for those who are neurodivergent. You may feel shame or sadness that everyone around you seems to be able to keep things tidy, control their emotional responses to things, motivate themselves to start and finish tasks, plan their time and prioritise, or maintain lasting relationships. And we’ll work through that together, to get to the bottom of any shame you may feel, whilst identifying ways for you to work with your strengths, not against them.
But there’s more to ADHD coaching. Gaining an understanding of the science behind ADHD can really help you understand your behaviour patterns. So ADHD coaching includes an element of psychoeducation to help you really get to know your ADHD and how it affects the way you function.
Understanding the way your brain and body have adapted to a nervous system on hyperalert much of the time, can bring helpful insights into why you behave the way you do, and help you discover ways to live which calm your nervous system and reduce the constant use of adrenaline and cortisol to motivate you.
Together we’ll explore what’s holding you back and find ways to overcome barriers to being who you want to be. Just understanding that it’s not your ‘fault’ or that you’re not ‘lazy’ (as you may have been labelled in the past) can bring about self-acceptance and with it, self-compassion.
If we get side-tracked, it's my role to check with you that we're not going down any fascinating, but distracting rabbit holes. Having said that, sometimes that rabbit hole is exactly the right place for you to be.
What are your ADHD coaching credentials?
As well as a lifetime of lived experience of undiagnosed ADHD, I have studied ADHD extensively and how it plays out in peoples’ lives.
I have a masters in coaching and mentoring, in which I focussed on ADHD for elective assignments and for my dissertation, which looked at ADHD coaches’ experience of Rejection Sensitivity (a phenomenon which appears to be common in those with ADHD).
As part of my continuing professional development I have completed courses through the Open University, Barefoot Coaching, the Centre for Healing and PESI.
With this ever-growing knowledge and understanding of ADHD and how it affects the way people function, I work together with clients to find ways for them to make the most of their beautiful, unconventional mind.
How do coaching and therapy differ?
There are similarities between coaching and therapy – you’ll find a coach listens to what you have to say in a deep and compassionate way. However, coaches work with people who are emotionally resourced to discuss things and look forward.
With motivation playing such a big part in the struggles we have in our daily lives, it’s unlikely you’ll work with a coach who doesn’t work with your emotions. However, if you are struggling with historical trauma and it’s affecting your day-to-day functioning, it may be therapy that you’re after. It is possible to work with both a therapist and a coach concurrently, but it’s important that if you’re struggling to hold things together day-to-day that you speak with a qualified therapist.
A good coach (especially those working with clients with ADHD) should be trauma-informed so, should trauma become apparent, they know when to refer a client to someone who is qualified to help.
"This is accomplishing what I wanted from therapy better than actual therapy did. Because it's action focused, future focused, and if something a bit deep or emotional comes up, it happens organically rather than feeling like I'm there for the express purpose of digging up trauma.
I feel like I've accomplished more of that kind of emotional introspection in these sessions than I did in over a year of therapy, and I wonder if it's because there's no pressure to do that? And the lack of pressure makes space for it? " NP